July 2010
1 post
The Bottom Row
From: Cynthia To: New York Office Subject: NEW coffee blend has arrived
Good afternoon,
The Colombia Blend Coffee has arrived and is at the bottom row of the coffee station.
There’s still a good amount of French Vanilla which you can enjoy and find on top of the white microwave.
Enjoy the new coffee blend!
Kind regards,
Cynthia Office Manager
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Hear ye, hear ye...
June 2010
8 posts
The Face of Habitat
From: Julia To: James Subject: a very professional and important urgant email filled with important things hey, im just emailing you in this very professional and formal format to let you know that even though haven’t been taking notes or giving any good ideas at the meetings that i am very capable of being secretary. I figured that these summer meetings were just ya know...
Swine Fru
From: Concerned Mother To: Independent Daughter Subject: h1n1
Ivy,
Please get swine fru vaccine.
MOM
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how are you feering? babies and harabujis are dying. get shot.
MOM
defense of poesy
From: Dan To: Writers of Intentionally Bad Poetry Subject: From a comment box i think my annoyance with these bad poetry ventures is that they seem to not be about writing poetry as much as using the idea of poetry as a “high art” or something “elevated” or “classy” as a way to tell a joke. which is strange to me because poetry can have jokes and can be funny...
The Awakening
From: A Friend’s (Now) Ex-Boyfriend To: Friend of the Girl Subject: (no subject)
For whatever reason I feel compelled to write to you. I just want you to know, because you’re her best friend (and that makes me scared of you haha), that these “overnight” changes are true. I would NOT have made a small push at yet another chance if I wasn’t going to be the man I...
Ko Pha Ngan Boom Boom
From: Mr. I’m in love with someone else/Ex-boyfriend To: Girlfriend Subject: My vacation
yeah got my head shaved…grade 1 all over, dont look too bad and is growing back fast neway…hehe luv to see u parascending…had a wikkid night last night although me and butty almost got nutted by this dickhead of a spanish geezer for chatting to his ex…Thai women are in ur...
Rage of the Polymorphies
From: A Job Candidate To: A Recruiter Subject: Rejection
The more I think about it, the more I think that maybe they just didn’t understand my answers?? They asked some very basic questions, but hey, I totally understand, not arguing with their decision, just saying…. Look, if they think I need to be more “artistic” I would like to show them how to kiss my goddamned...
The Unacceptable
From: An Angry PR Person To: A Nosy Reporter Subject: Request for interview
I am going to elevate this within [your company]. This is an unacceptable request. Stay tuned for more push-back.
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A pox on your house and on your request Before we had a pleasant entente You’ve ruined it by disturbing my rest. And so I vow your manager to haunt Til through him my wrath shall...
Mah Awesome
From: A Boyfriend To: Mass Chain Subject: Re: Tubing & Brewery AUGUST 21 - $60!!!
I want you all to take note of how mah awesome Terry is. Organising stuff, buying tickets, getting discounts, this woman can do it all!! :D
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Terry is Awesome, Capital A And saying it to 15 people, that’s totally OK. Terry is Awesome, always organizing stuff And she’s always the best when she...